My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
