I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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