My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
