I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
