I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
