I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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