and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is wine microwaveable?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
