You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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