My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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