My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
