I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
