Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
