i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize