I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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