member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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