I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
