When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
