when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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