If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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