Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
