but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
