those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
found the other keg... it's in the tree
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
