Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
