This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
