hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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