it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
