just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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