the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
