So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
