I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Actions speak louder than pants.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
