I hate your face
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
