In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
