I must be too annoying 4 u.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
