she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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