Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you didnt know i had herpes?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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