I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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