a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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