TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
