The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
