i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
