24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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