If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
