you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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