my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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