can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
