Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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