I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize