Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize