my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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