david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I am naked and annoyed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
