Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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