Quick, to the slutcave!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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