1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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