we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
