You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
