I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
