He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
