Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
