She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
